One of the usual things people asked to me during a getting to know activity is whether I am taken or not. That question flatters me especially if it comes from a cute guy (lol!) but I cannot deny the fact that, “YES! I AM TAKEN.” Many thought I am not because I usually go out alone, do things on my own and special days seem to be just ordinary days for me. It is because I am committed to someone that is miles away.
My boyfriend- TONI, lives in North Carolina, USA with his mom and step-dad. He went there after he graduated in college last year. And me? I’m here in the Philippines with my family, finishing my Masters Degree and working.
At first I thought that this relationship won’t work out because I don’t really believe in virtual relationship but the magic of love helped me conquer that idea and give me courage to venture in this kind with him.
We were in our 15th month when he left to North Carolina. A friend, who’s a guidance counselor told me that it is quite a good foundation already to start with an LDR. I just need to trust my partner to sustain that relationship she said.
And now, we are actually celebrating the 1st anniversary of our Long Distance Relationship (LDR). I am really glad that despite of all the struggles we had, we are still together by heart 🙂 He don’t actually mind the number, he said to me that what matters to him is that we’re still together. (Oh! guys have really different way of thinking.)
When the people I met got to know that I am in an LDR, they usually become curious of it and flood me with questions about my special kind of relationship. I can actually name more than 5 FAQ questions but I guess just to leave something to your curiosity, I will just give 5 questions and answer them as truthful as I can.
So let’s get the ball rollin’
Question #1: Is (being in an LDR relationship) it hard?
The answer to this question is actually predictable. Yes it is hard. Any relationship, whether it is a LDR, like mine or not, it always goes through some struggles. What makes our relationship harder than the other is the fact that we cannot see each other personally, we cannot hold each other hands or steal a kiss whenever we feel like being sweet and a lot other things that ordinary couples can do whenever they are together.
Constant communication is a must. It is actually one of the key to a successful LDR relationship. Being a little bit crazy sometimes won’t hurt like having a virtual kiss, singing for each other or eating with each other or even throwing a party for his/her birthday even if he’s not there is sweet. It is really nice that you try to schedule to do things together despite of the distance.
Making him/her feel that he is remembered will make the relationship. It is actually a blessing that there are a lot of means of communication now a days that will really help you to be updated with one another.
Question#2: Do you still fight?
Surprisingly, YES! lol! How? We fight about little things like being not on time during our everyday chat date, forgetting about something scheduled for us to do and of course, jealousy. I actually believe that it is a part of nourishing the relationship.
Assuring your partner that everything will not change especially the feeling that you have for him/her will be a great way to make it up. On the other hand, trusting each other is an integral part of making your relationship work. Being a little jealous sometimes is natural but too much of it can slowly kill the relationship.
I find it better to be open to each other even with the small conflicts because if you will just shrug it off it might become bigger and be the reason of frequent fights. So it is always better to settle things together than taking it as a personal problem. Anyways, this kind of relationship should be nourished by two individuals.
Question#3: When he will be coming back?
I’m quite hesitant to answer this question because personally, we don’t really know the answer. We don’t know when we will see each other again which make the relationship a little bit harder. The follow up question of this will be, “How’s that?” and I will just answer with, “I don’t know”.
It is really sad that we cannot determine when we will be going to see each other again. It is vague because we want to see each other when we are already ready personally, financially and spiritually. Because we both agreed that when we will see each other again, we will never ever part ways again.
Maybe for others this will be an issue of security- whether he/she will be really coming back or not. For me, it is just the FAITH with my partner that makes me hold on to that.
Many LDR relationships have the duration or have a chance to see each once in a while and I envy them with that because in my case I am waiting and still be waiting but I hope not in vain. lol! But I am really praying that we will see each other soon because we miss each other so much already.
Question#4: How do you make your relationship work?
We actually had an agreement before he went there that we need to talk to each other every day. That sounds tacky but I think we need it to overcome the distance that hinders us to let each other feel the love we have. We need to sacrifice an hour and a half a day for him and a night for me to meet each other despite of the 12-13hrs timezone gap.
It is not easy especially for me because I am working and sometimes I can help but to bring some things to do at home and missed it out because I need to respect our time. In the same way, he needs to wake up early which is not his kind to catch up with me.
On the other hand, if we cannot meet each other on that time or day, we leave a message to each other so that no one will be expecting a chat session. That way, I can still have night outs with some of my friends and for him, help his mother in some errands at home.
It is really a SACRIFE but it will be a proof that you are really willing and interested to keep the relationship working.
Other than that, we also have our group in Facebook that includes just the two of us. He made that and I don’t know for what reason but I find it helpful.
We also still play together, eat together, sing together, dream together and pray together (we exchange prayers). We never let the distance or the timezone to hinder us to bond. As much as possible, we are trying to include each other not just in our schedule but also in our daily activities.
Question#5: What are your future plans?
We just plan to be together someday. There is no specific date or place and plans but we are quite sure that after everything fall in its place already, we will be with each other.
Of course we talk about settling down but not too soon. We both have our personal dreams that we need to achieve before everything else.
“IT IS NOT EASY BUT IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE. “ That is what I always got to say when people ask me, how is it to be in the relationship like ours. It is just love and other little things that keeps the relationship alive. Those little things include: FAITH, RESPECT, SACRIFICE, UNDERSTANDING, FORGIVENESS and all sort that are related to those.
I just feel that it is true when they say, you can do everything for love. In my case, at first, I do not believe in LDR but when I get to know him and he said that eventually, he needs to go back to US, I just can’t say no to his proposal of pursuing our relationship. It is him who made me believe that everything will be bearable.
I am happy that even we are far from each other for a year; it feels that nothing has changed but the feeling which is stronger than ever. This distance made me more mature in my perspective when it comes to relationship. I learned a lot in that 1 year of not being together personally.
“It is not the physical contact that defines LOVE but the idea and choice of being together despite of all the struggles.”
I just want to end it there. I’m still hoping for the best as always. What do you think about my relationship? Is there any suggestions that you can make to make it grow more? I hope I can read from you.
God Bless us all sweeties.